One of those days.

My last couple posts have been so down that I hate adding more negativity but I seem mired in it. Seriously I don't want to talk to anyone, see anyone, go anywhere, do anything. I am just tired. I am uncomfortable and yucky and I hate it. I am so excited for the baby to be here and so scared. Scared of where my moods could go, scared of our little threesome becoming a foursome and being too much for me, scared of not being able to handle it, scared I will go so completely out of it that I hurt myself or someone I love, scared that my world is never going to be the same. Sure I know changes happen, I know I have wanted this baby for a very long time. I know we are meant to be a foursome but still I feel so afraid. I am so afraid I will fail my husband and children when I am needed most. I am constantly stressed these days and rarely find relief. I am super easily annoyed and fairly miserable most of the time. The hubs and Bug are the only two I feel good with. They have always been able to light my life when I need it. I know how blessed I am to have finally been able to carry another baby. I know how blessed I am to have a man who totally and completely fits with me. I know how blessed I am to have such a beautiful, smart, sweet, loving daughter. I know I am blessed by so many things yet still I feel so depressed. I feel like I am drifting and a bit lost. I feel physically ill with regularity. I don't feel like the me I want to be anymore.